You will need
- 1. Your own path from isolation to an active life position
- 2. Positive type of thinking
- 3. Formed life guidelines
- 4. Meet people of different nationalities and religions
- 5. The ability to feel people from the first minutes of meeting them
Instructions
The ability to find a common language with people who, at first glance, seem to have nothing in common with us, is one that is given by nature, but this is an important skill for life. After all, you must admit that even our best friends once seemed to us to be strangers to one degree or another.
To begin, adopt a mindset that makes it easier to connect with other people. Be willing to focus on others, be interested in their thoughts, needs, hopes, joys, sorrows, etc. In short, you need to step out of your world, be open and friendly.
Be prepared to take the lead. You shouldn't be afraid to meet people first. Don’t expect that some conditions will be created for this to happen, but be able to create them yourself. Notice how easy and relaxed the children are with each other.
Learn to see the good in every person. Don't look at his skin color social status etc. The real treasure in any person is the possession of self-esteem and high moral character.
Talk to the person about topics that can bring you together. Thus, people are often united by past experience or, conversely, a view of the future. In addition, you can always talk about sports, hometown, country, culture, customs, etc. People are also often united by work, hobbies, and mutual friends.
In any situation, remain confident, calm, and open. Rest assured that anyone will be happy to meet you. All people are different, but this difference can sometimes unite. Learn to feel other people, connect with them on an emotional level. This will also help you to be confident in any situation.
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Please note
Don't cross the line between friendliness and flattery. Remember that it is impossible to please everyone. In any situation, maintain your self-esteem.
Useful advice
Control your thoughts. This is the first thing to learn. This skill will allow you not only to easily find friends, but also to live easily and joyfully.
Sources:
- The article talks about how to win someone over, how to address another person, what topics to discuss, etc.
- how to find common ground with people
In the human world, relationships are sometimes very, very difficult. Constant communication with different people - pleasant and unpleasant for us - causes fatigue and stress. to get along with everyone without exception, so that interaction with society does not lead to nervous tension or depression, it is worth understanding for yourself as early as possible.
Instructions
Understand the reasons for people's behavior. In other words, you should not make certain conclusions about people based on how they behave in a particular situation. Maybe a person is rude because he grew up without parents and did not receive a proper upbringing, or he has a deep mental wound, or maybe he has problems. Don't take rudeness personally and don't respond to it with rudeness.
React calmly to people. To get along with people, you don't need to divide them into good and bad. We each have our own habits, our own manner of behavior. Goodwill is what attracts people to you. If, due to circumstances, you are forced to communicate with a person who is extremely unpleasant to you, regard this communication as a certain life stage which you need to go through. You can even turn everything into a game for yourself. Think first of all about the results of this communication.
Watch your speech and your behavior. Often people's negative reactions are simply caused by your own behavior. You should not take out negative emotions and irritation on people. Watch how and what you say. Your speech must be motivated. Avoid swearing and raising your voice when speaking. From any conflict situation You can go out without shouting and... Instead of quarreling, you can come to an agreement. While talking, look the person in the eyes. This is a good psychological technique when communicating with people, which will endear your interlocutor to you.
Know how to find good features. Good qualities character, as it is not surprising, is also found in people who are extremely unpleasant to you. If there are such people in your environment, and communication with them is inevitable, think about what is good about them. Look at these people with different eyes. Surely, the qualities that irritate you so much in these people also exist in you to some extent. Sometimes we ourselves create a negative image in our imagination, although, in fact, it is far from reality.
Sources:
- Lots of useful tips.
Why do some people have a lot of friends, while others have virtually none? Because not all relationships develop into friendships, but only those that are based on sincerity, mutual respect, and the ability to come to the rescue in difficult times. To have many friends, you need to be able to find a common language with people.
Instructions
Be sincere. Falseness and pretense will not endear you to people. Don't try to appear better to your friends than you really are. With closer communication, everything that you are trying to hide and embellish will come out. Sincerity and naturalness attracts people.
Don't envy your friends. Envy is a black feeling that eats away a person from the inside. Very often, envy arises regardless of your will. Get rid of it. Envying someone is pointless, especially friends. Every person has ups and downs. If you think carefully, there are many beautiful and joyful moments in yours that you can envy.
Show sincere interest in your friend’s life, be interested in his problems, the health of his loved ones. This way the person will know that he is dear and interesting to you.
Show your new acquaintance that you value your friendship. Finding common ground will be easy if a potential friend sees that he is important to you.
Look for common interests with friends, spend more time in their company. Then the friendship will be strong, and the problem of communication will disappear by itself.
A sociable person has an easier time in life than an individual who has difficulty communicating. If you want to be able to connect with others, you should know a few tricks.
Be a good communicator
Make it pleasant to communicate with you. When talking, try not to deviate from the topic and state the essence first. Your habit of long-winded narratives can make others avoid you, and here there can be no talk of any effective communications.
Be open and as honest as possible. Don't lie or make false promises. Otherwise, your insincerity and unreliability will alienate others. Remember that a friendly person has a better chance of winning over others. Therefore, it is important to compliment others and smile more often.
Find an approach
To find the key to another person, it is important to have a sincere interest in him. To do this, find something good, outstanding, worthy of attention and admiration in your friend.
Know how to listen. Oddly enough, this quality is more useful to someone who wants to establish contact with someone than the talent of speaking beautifully. When speaking, maintain eye contact. But not too strong. Otherwise, the person may feel uncomfortable from your gaze. There is also no need to look away all the time, because this may offend the individual.
Use touch points to make the person like you. If you listened well, you could already determine what topic might become common to you. When you can’t immediately find a lead for a conversation, you can ask a few questions about the life of your interlocutor.
Be sensitive
Despite your communication skills, the person may not make contact. There is no need to blame yourself for this. After all, people are not robots. They are simply not inclined to communicate. In this case, it is important not to impose your communication. If you see that a person does not maintain a conversation and answers your questions reluctantly, leave him alone.
Perhaps your tact will earn respect from your new acquaintance, and your next meeting will be more effective. Understand that some individuals need more time to take a closer look at a person and make some kind of contact with him.
Mirroring
The success of communication at the non-verbal level, that is, through posture, facial expressions and gestures, is also of great importance in the process of establishing contact. Learn to adapt to a person at the first stages of your acquaintance, and you will quickly find a common language with him.
Try to copy his pose a little, just don't do it too noticeably. You can turn in the same direction or position the toes of your shoes in the same way as your interlocutor. Try to match the pace of the individual's speech. If you speak as quickly or slowly as he does, the other person will feel comfortable communicating with you.
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The rules proposed in the “Art of Communication” section will help you find a common language with both peers and adults. But when communicating with adults, as a rule, there is one nuance: they do not yet perceive you as an equal, that is, they look at you and other teenagers a little down.
Having learned the basic laws of human psychology, you can quickly achieve noticeable results in communicating with peers. For example, from a stronger comrade than you, you must behave smarter, and this, of course, will be to your benefit and will give positive results. Just don’t overdo it, because not every team or even friendly company likes “know-it-alls.”
And adults still look at you like a child. Sometimes you get nervous, angry and, by the way, do it completely uselessly. Firstly, you will still have time to become an adult and, having matured, you, probably, as so many adults do, will sadly remember your childhood years, childhood joys and childhood sorrows.
Psychologists and doctors call your age “transitional.” And in adolescence, children are prone to maximalism, can often flare up over trifles, and do not restrain their emotions. They say this is “growing pains.” This is true, but believe me, you are quite capable of controlling your behavior. Therefore, be more lenient with adults who, as they believe, “know a lot,” but this gets on your nerves.
Parents are the people closest to you. They often get angry with you, scold you, and it happens quite unfairly. But you must understand that life is very difficult now, many people do not earn enough, and some have not received wages for a long time or have lost their jobs. People inevitably bring all their worries to the family, where quarrels occur as a result.
In such cases, you must understand that when your father or mother came home, as they say, “in a good mood,” this is due to the fact that they are not sure whether in the near future they will be able to feed you, your brother or sister and buy you the most necessary things.
It's good if your parents don't have these problems. But then they definitely have other problems. All life (adult life especially) consists of problems. And even those adults who earn good money often come home not at all in a rosy mood. Try to understand your parents, because everything they do, they do for you.
As for teachers, as you know, there are all sorts of teachers: fair and unfair, loyal and picky, smart and stupid, democratic and arrogant... And all because teachers are people just like everyone else. The work itself obliges them to have a good understanding of their subject, but not always and not all teachers succeed in this.
Other times, the student just wants to catch the teacher making some inaccuracy or mistake. There is nothing surprising about this. Over the course of several years, life and ideas about him in our country changed radically, and all these changes took place before your eyes. You grew up with them.
And for most teachers, especially those who belong to the older generation, it is too difficult to immediately take and rebuild their worldview. After all, they received their education in earlier times, when the now known information was absent, or even banned.
Therefore, you should not make fun of the teacher if you or one of your classmates catches him inaccurately or making a mistake. After all, the school curriculum is very limited, and the teacher is not obliged to tell you what is not included in it. Of course, those teachers who are creative in their work try to expand the scope of the school curriculum for you, but, unfortunately, this is not always the case.
The main rule for a cultured person is to be tolerant of other people. Try to adhere to it always and in everything. Both in the family and at school, children sometimes have conflicts with adults, and these children are not always to blame for this. Avoid conflicts, because you will get nothing but troubles.
However, family or school troubles are still a small thing compared to the problems that may arise if, due to inexperience or stupidity, you have a conflict with representatives of the law. A conflict of this kind can make your life very difficult even if; when, for example, the policeman is wrong or makes a mistake.
Let's take this case, for example. You are in the company of peers, and suddenly someone - be it your friend (or even a stranger, a teenager you don’t know at all), fooling around, wanting to impress the company, commits some senseless act, which the law regards as petty hooliganism. For example, breaking a window or shop window.
It is quite possible that after this your entire company may be detained by the police. You are indignant: you haven’t done anything wrong. Why were you all locked in a dark cell where it’s even difficult to breathe?! And in such a situation, in no case should you shout at the police, prove that they are all fools, and you are the smartest; that you know your rights very well, but they don’t know their responsibilities and, out of nothing to do, grab just anyone. If you create a scandal, you will be wrong on all counts. First of all, the police have enough work today. How successfully she carries it out depends on the professional and personal qualities of each individual police officer, so there is no need to paint everyone with the same brush. The police just have enough more serious cases, and the fact that at the moment its employees are busy with a group of teenagers, which means that they are acting in accordance with instructions, and not out of great desire.
Secondly, even a scandalous teenager gives the impression of a yellow-mouthed youth, and no one will talk to him as if he were an adult. The result is a misunderstanding, and along with it, an indefinite stay at the police station.
Of course, if one of your friends or acquaintances is guilty, we do not urge you to call the policeman his name. Cheating is probably the biggest meanness. You shouldn’t become a scoundrel on the threshold of life, saving your own skin at the cost of betrayal. Find sufficiently compelling and sensible evidence that it was not you who committed the ridiculous prank. Who did it? After all, you simply could not see it. It is unacceptable to betray friends or even acquaintances. And with the one who put your company in this position, I think you can educational work Later.
When you accidentally end up at the police station, the police will definitely try to establish your identity. Do not under any circumstances interfere with them in this - it is in your interests. If they draw up a protocol, tell the truth, calmly, confidently, avoiding insults and threats, they have never heard anything like that.
In general, after the police have established your identity and place of residence, they will let you go home - in extreme cases, they will contact your parents so that they can pick you up.
Unlike your parents, both teachers and police officers are obliged to monitor your behavior from their official duty. This is their job. If you consider yourself an adult, mature, formed person, do not interfere with people’s work. Any conflict or misunderstanding can be resolved peacefully. But in order to communicate with adults on equal terms, you yourself must give the impression of an adult, sensible person.
In addition, you should take into account that all police officers served in the army. Therefore, they are accustomed to simple, clear questions and answers, and you should not be too clever when communicating with them. This is especially true for young police officers who have recently been demobilized, and the army rules are still fresh in their memory.
« A person’s character is a book in which there are many encrypted and lost pages” Oksana Sergeeva (author of psychological bestsellers).
Character- a set of mental properties that determine a person’s lifestyle, behavior, his attitude towards his responsibilities, towards other people and towards himself. A person’s character most directly affects his personal life, relationships with other people, career and well-being.
At school we are taught mathematics, the Russian language, history, labor, but we are not taught to understand people at all, but in adult life we have to negotiate and come to agreements every day: with our own children and parents, business partners, with loved ones and friends. Do you always succeed in this effectively?
There are many psychological tests, with the help of which you can get a more or less objective idea of a person’s character. But how wrote Arkady Petrovich Egides(PhD in Psychology and a specialist in family and sexology) in the book “How to Learn to Understand People”: “...you won’t offer tests to every person before you start communicating with him.”
Our ideas about the world are only part of this world, and not the world itself. Once you think about this situation, you will, for example, understand why the word “table” has different associations for different people. The masseur will immediately introduce - a massage table, your wife - a kitchen table, you - a dining or writing table, a surgeon - an operating room. This means that our different perceptions often become a stumbling block in constructive communication. And in order to better understand your interlocutor, you need to strive to expand the boundaries of your reality.
So, as you already guessed, the ability to understand people is a whole science, and having mastered it, you can quite easily find an individual approach to each person.
And first you need to make it a rule that life is always luck, and any communication is art. The main thing is to set your perspective correctly and always remember: only those who know how to get real pleasure from communicating with people achieve success.
If you have a desire to become successful, attract like-minded people, and also learn to solve issues of any complexity by interacting with people, then this article is for you! In it we have collected advice from the most famous psychology experts. The article is aimed at helping to find an individual approach to people with different characters, moral values and life principles, and therefore making communication pleasant and useful. Original copyright rules will help you learn with pleasure!
Laws of Mastery
Oksana Sergeeva in the book “How to Learn to Understand People” he offers 49 simple rules, using which you can “pick up the key” to a person with the most complex character. She identifies people in whom active emotions predominate, be it joy, anger or malice, and calls them STENIKS. And people who experience emotions such as sadness, despondency, melancholy, that is, emotions that suppress active activity - ASTHENICS. It is very easy to distinguish them. For example, fear puts an asthenic person into a “stupor”, but an asthenic person, on the contrary, mobilizes all his capabilities at this moment. Often, difficulties in communication arise if both types communicate with each other, that is, one of the interlocutors is asthenic, the other is asthenic. Asthenics may seem unemotional people in appearance. You need to get used to the fact that their emotions are expressed in a boring way.
We decided in this article to highlight only some of the most important and useful, in our opinion, rules of the above-mentioned book:
Rule #1. Approaching people without emotion
Such people show their emotions only in extraordinary, stressful situations. They masterfully hide their likes or dislikes.
Non-emotional people express their attitude towards the world differently than emotional people: not through emotions, but through thoughts. The approach to such people can be found quite simply - you need to be able to push them to talk about their impressions. But initially, do not expect emotions in the story; of course, it will contain only reasoned conclusions.
Rule #2. Approaching people with a negative attitude
People of this type are usually embittered by life and filled with negative emotions. They have conflicts with relatives and are often dissatisfied with themselves.
You cannot ignore such a person, but on the contrary, you need to try in every possible way to help him relieve this stress - ask him why he is so upset, but under no circumstances try to “get into his soul.” If a person makes contact with you, it means you have already helped him a little.
Rule #3. Approach to people of mood
Each person has his own emotional background, which is called mood. In life there are people with a positive emotional background and a negative one. Of course, people of the first group are comfortable in communication, but communicating with people who are always in a bad mood is not a pleasant experience. Because any little thing, any detail can easily ruin them good mood. This means that in a conversation you should adhere to the tactic of “getting ahead of your interlocutor.” For example, if you have to tell such a person unpleasant news, it is better not to put it off. If you report something unpleasant for him at the end of the conversation, then this person will have a bad feeling about the whole conversation as a whole.
Rule #4. Approach to people with explosive temperaments
A state of affect is an emotional outburst. Affect in severe forms can have very terrible consequences - in this state people even go to murder. This means be moderately polite and friendly, even if communicating with such a person does not give you any pleasure. Be also careful and diligent, for example, to the instructions of your boss, but also have your own opinion.
Rule #5. Approach to people who absorb other people's energy
People, so-called “energy vampires,” can deprive you of your vital energy completely when communicating with you. Their characteristics: they are overly curious, they want to know everything about you, they try to touch you. In conversation they may appear sweet and even-tempered. The best advice for communicating with them is to avoid all contact.
Rule #6. Approach to manipulative people
Their life is wonderful if they have found a loophole to other people's money, talent, fame. People of this type, as a rule, have an unpresentable appearance: “they are not handsome, but they are not bad-looking either.” They dress casually. They are not distinguished by any outstanding quality.
It is common for them to beg for help in last time, but do not succumb to provocations on their part, be firm and adamant.
Rule #7. Approach to people who cross the boundaries of what is permitted in society
We are talking about people who are capable of transgressing the rules of the highest morality; they are very dangerous to others. For them there are no authorities and principles. It's unpleasant to talk to such people.
It is best to exclude such a person from your circle of acquaintances, since such an acquaintance cannot lead to anything good.
Rule #8. Approach to shy, timid, touchy people
These are the people whom nature has not endowed with strong will, strong character. These are people who are accustomed to their parents doing everything for them since childhood.
You need to behave very carefully with such people: do not succumb to their persuasion and tricks, otherwise you yourself will not notice how you will turn into a “wish granter.”
Rule #9. Approach to people with incredible talent
Genius is something of an anomaly, often bordering on madness. For example, the famous artist Van Gogh created a large number of his works while in a psychiatric hospital.
When communicating with such people, do not forget to evaluate his talent. Geniuses, like children, also need constant recognition and expect praise every time.
Rule #10. Approach to people with an egocentric type of perception of reality
Such people constantly strive to create comfort and convenience for themselves. In communication, selfish leaders. But egoists are actually very vulnerable people: they are so proud that they may not notice the hostility or ridicule of others. Compliments are the best medicine for egoists.
Now we have reached the last point of our article, but swimming in the sea of effective successful communication does not end there. It's just beginning. I hope you have gotten to know yourself better. And that's great! After all, it is the best and most exciting activity on earth.
How to learn to understand yourself? Materials for answering this question are in.
Friendships change over time, they can make a person happier and sometimes even improve his health. Nevertheless, adults sometimes face a problem - finding friends becomes more difficult. If you want to turn things around, check out these simple ways to make friends as an adult.
Leave your comfort zone
Adult life is full of responsibilities - from work to caring for children and elderly parents. The easiest way is to forget about your own needs and do nothing extra, just stay at home and watch TV series. This approach is understandable, but still try to fight it. Research convincingly demonstrates that friendship is good for your health and even increases your life expectancy. Try to find motivation and make a conscious effort to change your approach. Believe me, this will definitely bring results that you will be happy with. 
Connect with other parents
If you are raising a small child, you probably regularly stand in line at the cinema for an afternoon screening, go to the park or cafe. Take the opportunity to network with other parents. Don't worry or be afraid, just start a conversation - you have general theme, these are your children. You can chat about any parenting related issues. In the worst case, the conversation will not start and you will go your separate ways. In the best case, you will find an interlocutor with whom it will be really interesting. This will help you enjoy your time on the playground and build lasting friendships. 
Live according to your own values
A great way to find like-minded people is to volunteer or do charity work. This doesn't guarantee that you will make friends right away, however, you will be surrounded by those who have a similar outlook on life. This will make it easy to start a conversation and can really make dating easier. Experts highly recommend this method. Volunteering also indirectly improves health by increasing the level of hormones that provide positive emotions. You can probably find an area of activity that seems quite interesting to you. 
Get a dog
It's amazing how many people you can meet just by walking your dog. A pet requires a certain routine. You find yourself outside every day at the same time. Dogs enjoy the company of other canines, so you can easily find yourself around other pet owners. You can also go to special sites and parks, where you will have even more opportunities to communicate with new people. Even if you don't make friends right away, you'll have a great time with your dog. 
Use the Internet
Even if you have thousands of friends on social networks, this does not guarantee that you will have someone with whom you can actually talk about a lot. However, you can still benefit from such pages. There are special sites dedicated to thematic groups and clubs. You can find an option that suits you and join. Then you will have regular meetings that you can attend to interact with other people. It will be very easy to find a friend there.
Get more active in your hobbies
Any activity has thousands of fans. Groups dedicated to a particular hobby are a great option for finding friends. Even if it seems to you that knitting or reading has nothing to do with communicating with other people, a hobby may well be suitable - just go to a hobby group at the library or find a thematic forum. If you are a beginner, you can also take a training course or a master class. 
Find a job in retirement
If you're retired, extra income can be a good idea, and working will help you expand your social circle. Don’t think that the world of employment is closed to older people. Of course, you will have to make some effort, but you will probably be able to find something. Try to communicate as actively as possible during the process, and you will no longer have to suffer from loneliness! 
Find out about work events
People looking for work often attend thematic events where they can meet potential colleagues, and professionals attend conferences dedicated to new technologies, discoveries, important events in their field of activity. Use opportunities like this to meet people. You can network at the event and exchange business cards to maintain relationships afterwards. 
Play some sports
Sign up for a gym, yoga class or any other sport. This will help you connect with people and build friendships. Of course, taking the first step towards meeting potential acquaintances can sometimes be awkward, however, it is worth making the effort and inviting a possible friend to meet for coffee and chat. If everything goes well, your friendship will develop well. 
Go back to your desk
If you have always dreamed of scientific degree or just found educational courses for adults on a topic that interests you, be sure to take advantage of this opportunity. Go back to studying - this will also help you find many new acquaintances. Communicate with other students, with teachers, with course management. Be bolder, don’t hesitate to take the initiative yourself, ask for advice, invite your friends for coffee after class or offer to meet before them. If someone calls you somewhere, try never to refuse - you can become friends.
All people are different, so it can be difficult to find a common language with a stranger. We will suggest several ways to help you find a common language with people.
Speak to the point
Before you start a conversation, think about what exactly you want to say and say it in a calm voice. Try not to talk too much, as you can easily say too much.
Keep your promises
It happens that we promised something and immediately forgot. And the person, most likely, is waiting for what was promised, and if he doesn’t receive it, he loses trust in you. Therefore, either don’t promise, or keep your promises without excuses.
Speak kind words
If you have the desire and opportunity, say kind and pleasant words. This could be a compliment, gratitude or praise. It doesn’t cost you anything, but the person will be pleased and will be more predisposed towards you.
Respect others and yourself
If a person does not want to communicate with you, respect his right. If a person wants to pour out his soul to you and you don’t mind, then this will bring you closer. If you do not want or cannot be a pillow for tears or gossip, then gently explain this to the person. You don't have to be liked by everyone, but you should be respected as a person.
Share the positive
People are drawn to those who are positive, who know how to enjoy life and share their mood with others. Everyone has problems, but everyone's attitude towards them is different. Try to go through life easily and people will sympathize with you.
Try not to argue
If you are not sure that you are right, it is better to agree with the dispute. It is better to say that you agree than to argue and then lose your argument. Few people like people who like to argue.
Don't discuss others
Remember once and for all - no one likes gossips. If they try to tell you gossip or discuss your boss, it is better to leave or switch your attention to something else.
Don't be afraid of criticism
Criticism is not always said in a harmful way. Often people want to draw your attention to some problem in this way. Try to look at criticism as an opportunity to improve.
If you don't know, ask
There is nothing wrong with asking someone with experience or an expert something you don’t already know. This will only show that you are open to everything new, ready to learn and learn. And this is commendable.
Be sincere
Nothing attracts people to you more than your sincerity. Be honest and sincere in your desires and expressions of friendship, in your compliments and your advice. Be sincerely interested in the lives of those around you. When people realize that you care about them, they begin to be drawn to you.
